*originally posted on Cocktailjoints.com
by Jeremy Porter (5 days sober)
Why don't women drink more whiskey? It is a question that hasn't really ever plagued men, but one that we're going to explore regardless, mostly because it's what I was told to write about. So what is this incessant force that separates the feminine from the Jameson? Is it the taste, like burnt toast in smokey molasses? Is it the aroma, a wisp of wet nuts roasting on an oak-en fire? Is it something about their boobs? IS IT?!
Perhaps it has more to do with the inherent, rugged masculinity of the drink itself. If that is indeed the case, then it would only be fair to first ask why men drink whiskey. Most modern men drink whiskey for the same reason they do anything else; it's cool. Smoking, stubble, acting like dicks; almost any male activity/attitude is the result of seeing it somewhere else and thinking that it's cool, and it absolutely extends to what we drink (most men will vehemently deny this, as being unoriginal is decidedly un-cool). The most admirable of male role models have usually been whiskey drinkers, from Winston Churchill to Don Draper to your very own bastard of a father who's just "too god-damned tired to listen to your Unicorn poetry!" How could you not want to be just like them?
This isn't to say that a taste isn't actually developed, or that men don't really enjoy whiskey, because we do. It just sometimes comes about from wanting to seem more suave, hip or adult, especially after having grown out of a beer and sweet mixed drink adolescence. So we force ourselves to acquire a predilection for Cognac* and cigarettes and a life in general of emotional repression... because it might make us seem cool.
Women do not suffer these delusions. While men pursue the ever elusive art of Being Steve McQueen (still the standard, right?), women face the daunting, daily societal pressure of being hot. Everything a woman is taught about how to be in life is designed to set her on the path of finding a man, which means competing with her fellow women in whatever standards that men have deemed desirable. Drunken men, at that.
America has a long-standing history of discouraging women from imbibing, not just as a power play, but as a patronizing suggestion that only men are capable of handling the depths and dangers brought upon by alcohol. This sort of Boardwalk seclusion created yet another bond among men, a perk of the inner circle for the ones in power. So the men sat in backrooms getting drunk and making laws, their judgment of women being passed around with the nonchalance of a flask of J&B at a Kennedy wake, cultivating a society that makes these women not only desire them, but fight over them. Not cool.
Times changed, and women developed their own taste/desire for alcohol, including whiskey, especially in the South. The catch was that society (men) still discouraged the general empowerment of women, so the culture was never really permitted to reflect the truth that they also enjoyed to drink. Through a series of arbitrary social standards or even just a lack of advertising, the stereotype continued that drinking was unladylike. That is, until we found a way to make more money from it. Even so, once it became more acceptable for women to go out and join the drunken masses, the culture never directed them towards 'masculine' drinks, like whiskey, and even if it had, many were too smart/not concerned with being cool enough to bother investing the time to develop a taste for it. This may have even lead to the invention and cultural domination of more sweet and festive cocktails. Yes, thank women for the Apple-tini.
There is, however, still an overwhelming untruth to this idea. Every woman I know has taken more bourbon shots than money shots (I hope(?)). When I told some of my lady friends (because they're fancy) that I would be writing about why women don't drink whiskey, these were some of their exact quotes:
- “... it was a forced exile to begin with. But I can't even stomach the smell of it anymore. So, because they're pregnant or were recently pregnant could be an answer. Or the only answer.” - new mother
- “The only answer.”
- “I don't drink whiskey anymore because it leads to very bad things...VERY bad things.”
- “Oh man... I would love to drink some delicious bourbon right now. Maybe some Maker's or Woodford Reserve... damn I miss whiskey!!!” - expectant mother
- “I'm made of whiskey”
Setting aside the reason being that you're with child or have anger management issues, or both, it seems to me that women actually do drink whiskey. We just happen to live in a culture that says otherwise, which is really too bad. There are few things sexier than a woman's mastery of a Scotch neat. This, in turn, may be the actual issue. Empowered women have become not only commonplace, but predominantly attractive. The idea of masculinity has been consistently fading for some time (though some men are desperately reaching for it to come back), and has often been adopted by women in order to compete in a male-dominated society. This could be one of the reasons why more and more women have outwardly developed a taste for the hard stuff (easy...); to prove to men that they can not only keep up, but compete. The question then becomes not "why don't women drink more whiskey", but rather do we as men want them to? Doomsday Scenario!
Fear not, because as progressive and savvy as women are, they still have enough built-in empathy to protect the male ego (for now). We absolutely want them to drink whiskey. Not because it's attractive or cool, but because they can, and they enjoy it. So you see, a woman with whiskey promotes gender equality. A question asked by a man, answered by a man. As is said:
“What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure for.”
The alternative is that women genuinely enjoy their booze and it has nothing to do with men, but come on. How do I get behind that idea?
*for the record, Hennessy is gross. It was traded on the Nazi black market, and Kim Jong Il drank it.
