The Rumble in the Vajungle

I was going to write about queefs, and how I once got into a drunken contest with my white rapping roommate wherein we challenged each other to write a rap song (is there anything whiter than calling it a rap song?) about vaginal flatulence. Mine was pretty profane, and I still remember the first verse, yet I find myself oddly reluctant to share it. I'm not entirely sure what this means. I fear it's a sign of maturity, or worse yet, the death of my profane indulgences. Have I entered the twilight of my vulgarity? Will I never again be able to bask in my own ribaldry?
Doubtful. Perhaps it's just no longer as challenging as it once was to offend. Everything has been done and said already, and shock value has peaked in popularity in the last twenty years. Being edgy has become so mainstream that the wanton black market has become scatologically flooded. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.
People (what people?) say that the new prohibition in these sorts of issues revolves around race, and that's partly true. The most improper words or phrases you can mutter aloud in mixed company are either racial or sexual, but do we give much thought as to why that is?

I understand that for some this isn't an issue. Certain words don't even enter into their psyche, and they therefore are normally not in danger of offending. For others though, who intentionally seek out the forbidden and the lascivious, we're often forced to self-censor, and while personally my intent is rarely to offend, I often do.
Most of the time, my interest lies in finding a way to think about or say something that generally isn't done or expressed in that manner. I’m thoroughly entertained by the fact that there are always so many unexplored options, to everything. Basically I'm looking to amuse myself, which perhaps is the basis of the entire problem. I'm consistently putting myself first.
When I focus more on my own self-interest, especially when it comes to things as trivial as jokes, I'm already being disrespectful. And while it's important to be honest with yourself (but not real important), it's better to make the small effort of recognizing why being mindful and respectful of others is mutually beneficial.
Which brings me to what I believe to be the last vestige of controversial social commentary: truth.
We go to such outrageous lengths in order to be sure we're not hurting anyone's delicate fucking sensibilities that we've become trapped within our own language from being honest. Having disregard for the feelings of others, intentional or not, does not equal bigotry, and it certainly doesn't amount to discrimination. The balancing act here is being sure that whatever your thoughts or opinions are, whether they're expressed or not, they don't cause you to treat people differently. I guess what I've arrived at is that you should probably try to offend everyone equally.
So, with that in mind...

I do the kind of shit that makes you question beliefs
Like my tongue against your ass while I'm sucking your queefs
Pissin' on your hair, 'cuz your weave is on fire
While the sweat under yo' titties is what I desire
Drinkin' all the milk out your areola
Chewin' on your ass like your shit was granola
Shittin' on my chest with my toes in your taint
While your grandma jerks me off in a bucket of paint
Spread it on the walls with her saggin' breast-eses
First be sure we TiVo the Young and the Restless-es
Watch her as she calls the little mailman a spade
Then we felch her husband's corpse with Mike's lemonade

I don't think there was a chorus.

If Anything...

You're always living in the moment, you just want a different moment.

The world is black & white. People are grey. When you're a child, you see the world as it truly is. Everything is attainable and possible, and all can be accomplished in every different way. As you get older, you begin to see why we had to delineate things. The world had to be separated to the ends of the spectrum to create the basis for structure and communal order, responsibility, laws, religions, and the standards needed to cultivate the drive for accomplishment. It is possible to live in the grey, but it's usually directionless, lonely, and unfulfilling; which isn't necessarily wrong. It's just not progressive, at least not in the way we've come to understand progress.

Hot sauce does make everything better.

Saying out loud how nice or enjoyable things are doesn't ruin the moment. It actually makes it better.

White men are still in charge of everything, they're just pussies now. They're either too afraid to have convictions, too insecure to back them up, too arrogant to change, or too rich to care. I'm not suggesting that they need to return to their old ways, or that white men should hold on to said power. I'm just saying that things are still getting decidedly worse.

I have never met anyone who was detrimental to my personal growth.

Overrated (by our generation): Blogs, The Clash, In-n-Out Burger, Hunter S. Thompson, Anal Sex, Individuality, Edward Norton, Voting, Martinis, Blow Jobs, "Closure"

If you're near a payphone, and it starts to ring, answer it.

Give your parents a break.

There is absolutely nothing that feels better than accomplishment, and it does not require validity. The happiness that follows, however, only survives when it is shared.

Unless they choose otherwise, boys become men, and girls become women. Always.

Michael Jackson was the greatest performer of all time.

Everyone always wants to be cool. Even people who are already cool. Especially people who are already cool. When people try to act uncool, it is a desperate attempt to look cool. People who are uncool are too busy working to worry about seeming cool. Eventually, they will become the people who accomplish things in life, and will possess greater currency than coolness.

I will always pick the grocery cart with the bad wheel(s).

It's not the poor or the weak or the stupid, but the willfully ignorant who have to be left behind.

Underrated (by our generation): Sincerity, Kissing, Public Libraries, Russian novelists, Community (TV), Communities (in general), Country Music, Sam Rockwell, Missionary Position

Victimization is a modern currency, and straight white men don't like being poor.

It's okay to leave the last sip of beer.

Hypocrisy does not negate merit. Catching someone in a lie is no reason to disregard everything they ever have or will say. This is such a deceptively fast moving culture that opinions and accusations have all become based on "gotcha" moments, sound bytes, tabloids and media hype. Someone capable of having differing, even opposing views and opinions is just someone capable of complex thought. I should add 'exposing hypocrisy' as overrated.

There is no need to correct someone unless it is absolutely necessary.

There is no bigger waste of time in life than being apprehensive.

Breathe deep. Drink water. Repeat. It's that simple.